OUR FRWENSHIP IS SODA-LICIOUS

2011-03-15T19:53:00.002+08:00

hihihi!!!!!!
it been sooooooooo long since i last blogged, well my blog is really death and i realised tt almost allof the link i have ( my escape way out list) are all death link. It is just so hard to keep upwith blogging when life is so boring and plus all busy school work every body has.

hais~~~~
Anyway this holis is just so boring should i go find a job?
this is the 2nd week of holis and i cannot stand slacking anymore, it just feels so lonely!!!!!

2010-12-26T08:09:00.006+08:00

Ever since this sem have started so many things have change i don't really know what to believe..but i really have to thank god for because of this change i have clearly waken up and start looking for what i have missed out. i truly feel so sry to all those that i have been putting aside for the last sem but thankfully all is not lost. And also thanks to all this changes i have clear see things and how people truly are and take back all my trust i have given them..i won't fight i won't do anything to change the way things are cause i think is a waste of my time for these people. so now i shall set my goal before 2011 comes next week.

Get a life! change the way my life is now.
Hold on to those true to me
Let go of all faker
Try to buck up my grade
Finish poly by 2012 march

2010-11-13T20:32:00.003+08:00

well afternoon i called wanzi wanted to hand out but she had to meet her "somebody" you get what i mean. i was disturbing her, well i really miss her and the rest a lot and she was telling my that i was stupid for wasting my time on korean idol stuff. Actully i kind of agree now that i think about it but pitty me la my life is so freakying boring ever since i made this stupid desicion to come to this stupid course in stupid NYP! going into liking DBSK is just so that i can get my mind off thinking that my life suck and i'm a totally loser now.
hais...there are like a million work i need to do and i totally hate my life now. i hate everything i really wish i can turn back the clock to like a year ago. i feel so lost and drifted apart from everything. seriously i don't really care about the things going now in my life. Everything is jus so boring and this holiday i have been busy working i haven been updating on what's gg on in the cyber world well not that i like cyber world it's equally boring too but i realize i miss out a lot on wanzi, shanny, maisy, kat and kaiwei's life and they seem to have pretty emo tweets and facebook share which makes me wanna follow upmore on them but i not dare call them well except for wanzi, the rest i jus really donno what to say but i care about them hais...life is just a bitch i really wish i can faster get out of nyp and find a direction in life by then and i really hope that i will never lost wanzi, shanny, maisy, kat and kaiwei even in life.
Recently been watching The Bigbang theory and feel even them nerds in the show has more life then i do. Every single day all i do is wake up early morning go to school face a million homework, lab reports and projects then EXAMS! and go home do my work and study and i don't freakying understand what the hell i'm doing and sat i have to go work and it so boring i have alr taken leave at least untill week 9 after the exams but staying at home also make me feel so workup i got nth better to do other then clear all the datelines and then monday is here soon enough again and this is the end of my lousy life.

2010-10-30T00:00:00.006+08:00

I just wanna do a post before i carry on with my API report. I really feel so drain out of energy from every single cell in my body. This is just the 2nd week of sch reopening but i'm already worry about all the unfinished piled up sch work, okay and let me repeat "P.I.L.E.D.-U.P."!!!
i have like 4 report to rush and i'm really worried about all the projects i'm having this sem.
Please any god or in fact all gods of all religions please just let this year and the nxt pass over really fast. where 1hour = 60 sec!!! please please pretty please. Cause this sem sch, Argh!! nvrm i don't wanna talk about it.
"Sign" i really don't understand why living in Singapore is so exhausting. Well i think i kind of know the answer, it is all because we Singaporean are all brought up will the the thinking of " it's every man for themselves" call us selfish but it is a fact and i accept it. Even if your parents never teach you this teacher in school does and even if teacher in school don't people of all walks in life that are you "friends" & "classmate" will some how force you to take that ideal up. well nobody wants to suffer, nobody wants to be in the losing end nobody will pity you and help you this is just the way the world goes round at least this is what i have learn as i grow older and as time pass you will be like them. You do have to self protect yourself right? why do you have to do all the dirty job yourself for free since nobody pity you, you will also not pity others. i guess it's not wrong to live with "me,myself and i" first! as a Singaporean.
However, i just so tired of this life where everyday you have to fight for your rights, to protect yourself , to always be high in defences, and endure all the things you hate to do but have no choice to swallow it into your stomach! So many thing that are unpleasant and i don't wanna talk about it and i think it's pointless to talk about it as saying it out won't change a single shit. Or maybe this is the live of a city dweller, oh how i wish i was a farmer, i would just plant my veggie, use my com and live a happy and simple live, where everybody is just so real, no fake faces to see, no rules to follow, no school to go to, no group project to rush, no datelines,no exams. "Sigh" but nobody in this world can choose their parents and their life everything is all pre set for us..oh well i think i better go start doing my API report...

my sad life T_T

2010-09-17T04:24:00.002+08:00

THAILAND KINGDOM!

2010-09-17T02:22:00.003+08:00

hohoho!!!!
Finally exam's are all over, but my heart is still not totally settle yet...
I'm so god damn scare of my CMI result i really hope i can make it through i don't want to be separated from my 5 beautiful ladies...
Anyway after our last paper we went to celebrated in the LIBRARY! believe or not..hahaha! but still i was very happy we had fun.. We went to Cathay,bought popcorn and coke,queue up for tickets but seats were all out...IN the END with no choice and no where to go we went to the library...
But no worries i wanna go to downtown east museums and we have yet to plan ZIJUN's 18 birthday...

Anyway i just got back from thailand ytd was so super tired today, spent the whole day slacking..and sort out the stuff i bought..hohoho wait for my present guys!! ^^

2010-07-17T02:34:00.010+08:00

HA! MY NEW GOOGLE HOME PAGE!!!hahahahah!
anyway don ask me where i got it..cause i freaking do it!
Feeling shity now cause results are out so i went to do up my home page to get my mind away from thinking about results..

freaking tired GD NIGHT!

2010-07-09T15:54:00.002+08:00

Tegomass - Ai ai gasa

Tegoshi Yuya-Ai Nante

Masuda Takahisa - Superman

Keiichiro Koyama - Love Addiction

2010-07-06T11:59:00.005+08:00

o~hiyo!
woke up early as i thought there was sch but it seems sch only start at 4pm!
oh well, i spent whole morning downloading song, hohoho! but pls don come and catch me!
anyway i jus read through my past post and i think i really have a serious breakdown when i was typing that post so to clear the air..
okok i'm not angry
it's just that i just really miss everyone and i dearly want to hang out and spent time tgt
but "wo you xin wu li" as i was trap by exam which made me really furtrated.
PartThereFore i decided to rant endlessly on my blog. so pardon me cos i just wanna release the stress growing under my skin that was reaching for climax soon..

anyway it's a happy day today !~ and i hope it stays that way the whole day ^_^

2010-07-02T23:26:00.006+08:00

This few months a lot really happened...
first i really feel sorry towards shanny for not being there when she is sad..sry girl

1)i'm tired. All this adds up and 1 most important thing is i made a wrong choice and i regret. i regret making my life turn out to be this way.
i just want to shut my eyes and just keep looking forward and hope to get out of this hell hole i'm in now this wrong step stucks everything out and away from me.
i need life i need change.
i donno but i feel i'm running in a total different direction from my beloved friends.

2)i have being having endless exam since 7june and haven been studying since 1june and now project are pouring in. Well my mum is happy that all this is cheating me off time of my life and cheating me off spenting time with my friends.
since all i have been doing this month is locked up in my room with books
and it's painful to feel so lonely and a slave of study
and i also feel so helpless for not being able to do anything and not knowing what happen to my friends. It make me feel guilty!

But i'm alr not happy to start with,i'm not happy but who to turn to..
at first i breakdown den i cried den i slowly realise i'm really in this alone nobody cares. i felt scare seriously.
This weird feeling that have been bothering me, i need care and concern but i don feel the love from parents or friends that i'm dying for!

all i get is :" is like that 1 life"." or haiya don care parents are like this".

either form both side they just tell me to don't care but how to?
is like having deep cuts on my skin and body, blood spilting out endlessly.
covered in wounds i trun to them, they look back and say just don't care about your wounded body let those cuts be there.. let the hurt be there, let it heal by itself..and as time pass i realise the cuts just get deeper the blood just keep spliting more and more.
i tried to ask for help, i took the first step even thought i'm hurt.
but what i got back what all this turn out to be...a lesson, a painfull lesson.
example i ask my dear close friend out actually tmr i wanna hang out i made the first move, i ytd ask her if we still meeting she told me her friend birthday is it really that important?
i don't know maybe to her..
i felt angry cos she never ask me out alway i'm the one asking and now this i already feel ver distance to them, i want a change i wanna make things better but in return i felt the coldness i feel so cold i wanna trun my back and turn away too.

i cannot take it anymore i ask her in a jk manner why she never ask me out and she say i also never talk to her den which part of me askin her 2 week ago let hang out sat? equal never asking her out. i don't talk to you? you don't even talk to me.

i finally understand we are of differnt world.we are walking different path and running different direction.

The problem lies with me is all because this weird feeling puling and pushing me.

All this wrong choice i have made i have to live with it, a pull and push tug war i'm battling inside of me.i truly feel helpless i wanna go out and let loose and breathe but at the same time i don't want to be alone.

i feel i need new goals keep moving on. All this, what is this? growing up? it make me so clueless..i want an ans to my life.
All this makes me feel like a freak!
i feel like a freak!

2010-06-29T21:52:00.001+08:00

LOL! should be studying but i just wanna make a quick post..OMG this is just so funny!

2010-06-22T12:01:00.003+08:00

Dareka ga Watashi ni Kisu wo Shita aka Somebody Kissed Me, based on the novel, Memoirs of a Teenage Amnesiac.

just came across this..Maki's and Yuya's new movie totally love them to bits but i read the book before and after seeing the trailer i still think the book is better, the way i pictured it in my head while reading is so totally different from this movie a bit disappointed. =(

2010-06-18T02:03:00.005+08:00

TVXQ abuse by (SM) staff

COMMENT #1 form youtube:
this is what i got from the forum.
Yun-ho: Stop it. Don't do it any more.
Junsu: He feels hurt .
Yunho: I told you, you've hurt me.
Kang-ho [the stylist]: Do what I say and sit . You brat!
such a pity. then i know why changmin looks uncomfortable in the very last clip.
COMMENT #2 from youtube:
i'd say the incident behind changmin was real. since this is a japanese footage, they probably didn't have any idea what the scene was about since they were speaking in korean and allowed it to air. i guess we'll never know what really happened but for junsu to actually speak-up says a lot
about the incident.

TV XQ SCOLDED IN BEIJING!!

2010-06-17T06:06:00.001+08:00

ohohoh is seems i just can't wait to change my blog skin pic...but ah!!!!!!!!WTF there is this white border around it..

2010-06-17T05:10:00.007+08:00

JUST ANOTHER FAN GIRL WANNA POST!~~

JJ:jaejoong(DBSK)
JS:junsu(DBSK)
CM:changmin(DBSK)
KI:kangin(super junior)
ohohoh..hmm i'm thinking of changing my blog skin to TVXQ.....oh well maybe after common test and here's a BONUS!

2010-06-17T02:06:00.013+08:00

hihi.....
okok i know it's been like monkey years since i last post and i guess nobody will be comming to my blog to see see look look cause it's so death and BORING!!!!
anyway who cares it's my blog. It's totally and solely for me to RANT for all i want! kekeke~YEAH!!!
Today is already wednesday night or shall i say thurday morning and i have only finish DDS chap 1 and HumanBio till tissue#3 only and the rest UNTOUCH!. Man i'm so death plus plus plus there are still so many things to do, well i havent sort out what stuff i need to get done. For a fact i'm just too lazy~zZzzz!!!
This days i been wondering why am i not a tree, a pack of rice or just a roll of toilet paper, there are so many stuff i can be why do i have to be me! ahhh! if only i was not me i don't have to study for common test the stress is really coming down on me.NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(hais...and life goes on)

Anyway now my life is in a big mess, my DAYS are night and my NIGHTS are day.
i really have to call my operaters and tell them to please set the timing of my body clock back to normal
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ring..ring...ring!!
ME: hello!~ is this the call center in mis noelle loh jia yu brain?
Brain: yes...what the F**K do you wan!
ME: oh so sorry to disturb but can you...F**KING TELL THE OPERATERED TO SET THE TIMMING OF MY BODY CLOCK BACK TO NORMAL. I'M HAVING A F**KING EXAM IN LIKE WHAT 11 DAYS!!!
....ahem(in mid of being nice again) why can you pls pass the msg across thank you.(wink wink wink)
----------------------------------------END of conversation-----------------------------------

Okay i know i know i sound crazy but what can i say " just bear with it!"
Oh ya oh ya i jus change my blog skin..woohooo so happy...i really like the whole emo theme and i took out the whole tag board thingy it's just really "wo de yan zhong ding" i personally don't know why but i just don't seem happy seeing it there everytime i look at my blog...blahbalhbalh!
Anyway back on track what i actually really wanna post is this ......anticipating.....

uploaded by Hong Ki (himself) and he even titled as ‘no home to return to‘ and it really look like he was a homeless man. Hong Ki wrote, “I really fell asleep on the company premises in Japan. This was what my manager hyung took, he even gave me money ^^.”

okok i know now you all think that i'm just crapping here! so i logging off now bye!!!!~

2010-02-05T23:05:00.002+08:00

2010-01-25T21:38:00.001+08:00

Man i really donnno am i hoping for tmr or not..
ok i'm damn down..freak tmr have to go meet miss Teng about my result at the same time tmr is DBSK HERO's birthday!
anyway this few weeks don really have any mood for jokes or class or even going out don even feel like talking...life seem meaningless with tons of projects and my lousy result i just feel like hiding at home..so if my face seem like i'm having a mood swing well it's really nth i just wanna sleep..so sry peeps for the going around with a black face...

oh ya and dear jiajia is sick get well soon girl!

2009-11-09T23:49:00.000+08:00

My Prince Inhwan!~`

Inhwan marry noona when you grow up kayy!! ``i will wait...

2009-10-24T09:11:00.003+08:00

the past...

2009-10-17T09:22:00.005+08:00

Happy Birthday to KAT & Kengling BABE!!!~

2009-10-16T03:04:00.003+08:00

Incendiary

Mainly the film are about this mother’s love for her child and the loss of that child and it's super touching i'm still wiping my nose and sniffing away..please go catch this movie on PPS..super worth watching, it makes you crying and kicking!!

2009-10-10T23:01:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY MAISY!!!

i really miss this 3 ladies!!! almost 4 years never see them le...so happy to ran into them at powerhouse!!

2009-10-09T23:46:00.002+08:00

Morning woke up at 7am..i forget to set the alarm and i need to accompany kaiwei to go polyclinic..
slept till half way suddenly jump up..then i faster msg kaiwei to wake up and when to bath..den make up and went out...after that wanzi came over to find us..when kaiwei hse and play with his dog while he changed den we are off to vivo..when to daiso to buy our stuff..

during 4plus 5 maisy came over...we went to eat den chitchat till 11 pm..after that HOME sweet HOME!

2009-10-08T23:44:00.003+08:00

meet up with wanzi and kaiwei for movie..we when to watch the meatball..it was funny!!!

2009-09-23T23:00:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday JUN!! love yA girl!!!MUCKX

2009-09-19T21:29:00.000+08:00

2009-09-19T20:54:00.007+08:00

WOW!!! they are just so cool!! they made playing the piano into a battle..how smart!

The piano duet is also damn cool!

Jay Chou - Secret - (Time Travel Theme)

不能说的秘密 - Secret i think this slow version sounds nicer!~

不能說的祕密 - Secret(加長快版 fast version also not bad!

2009-09-18T07:09:00.008+08:00

ytd saw kengling online and i went to knock on her msn! we chat awhile and i really missed her a lot we talk about a lot but mostly was me talking crap and making her laugh and that is all that i can do for her but i was very happy ...I'ts been more then a year since we last met and i really miss her! i miss disturbing her a lot in fact she is the only ppl that i DO TEASE in sec 5A but girl don get it wrong it's cause i really like you a lot you are 1 of my most baobei friend and no matter how long we never chat i will never run out of things to chat with you!=)
current mood: HAPPY!

i today morning also chatted with junjun on the phone..hmm..girl i will alway cheer you on! and you are the only one friend that i pour my all out to..i never really let my friends know me and understand all my feelings but i told you all and only you know!
you say you saw my past post and you don't know what to say to me..at that moment i felt really touch..thanks for caring for me!
And i wanna give you confidences too! so I'm gonna praise you!
LISTEN well jiang zijun!
you are the most mature young lady that i know, with your kind heart, forever forgiving mindset & cheerful smile you always give the people around energy and strength you are really so much more a capable HUMAN BEING then you think you are..
words cannot describe how wonder you are!
and so at here i will make the first move and tell you i truly truly treat you and jiajia as my FRIENDS!
not normal friends but friends with high level of importance to me!
jiayou! jiayou! jiayou!
LET WORK HARD TGT GIRLS ! FIGHTtoe OH!
current mood: Recharged!

2009-09-15T14:05:00.002+08:00

OMG!~ season 3

2009-09-15T10:07:00.002+08:00

Finally blog is ok now...i waited for like a million years can!
Anyway yesterday meet up with my Darlings again..'supper HAPPY!~'
i simply can't find any other 2 people that love my idea of having a lappy party better!
we literally spend our whole day using our lappy together! and i can't get more of it!
and my realplayer is finally ok now! HEY pees if you wanna download realplayer better don use the SP version go find the old version that 1 is much better!
Meet up at 1:30 pm went all the way up to nebo to have lunch then it's all the way down to MOF to slack cause that is the only place i know that have loads of plugs for us to use..hehe!~

and now i have photoshop already but it's a bit difficult to self learn! hais..NVRM i'm still SUPER happy i got it thanks JUnJUn!
Before we even realise it was already 9.30pm and we all parted and headed home!
CAN't wait till our nxt lappy party again!

2009-09-11T10:24:00.006+08:00

all i wanted was just to sit down and talk..
what i wanted was to understand each and every1's feeling
and know how my dear friends are doing
i love every1 that's why i used to cared..
i was vex and need to tell somebody but the rely i got was: "don you think, you think too much? later if we don meet up you will say we don meet!" [i lost faith in believing anymore]

seriously i ask myself what was friends for just to hang out and have fun?

wasn't it suppose to be sharing tears and laughter together?

wasn't it suppose to be caring for each other feelings? finding out if the other party is doing well?

be it just hanging out for 1 hour talking and it already beats having fun the whole night!
SORRY but i am unable to have fun when i don understands the other person anymore!
i cannot smile so i rather be stuck with lappy and PC at home!

i couldn't care less anymore..
i don wanna be all mess up like this anymore!
i don wanna be feeling this alone anymore..i'm gonna throw this away..
Noelle let's just focus on what makes you smile..
now my lappy and my PC are both my number 1 best friends!

but i am useless and weak i cannot just don't care!!
i cannot i cannot i cannot do it!

but isn't there a saying :
"there is no family that will always stick together, those that are leaving and those that are sending them away have to be strong!"

i will rmb the past and keep it safe away is what i can do

although i cannot stop that feeling of despair but i will get strong i need to get stronger to face life so i will fight and i will keep fighting this feeling..

PS: can't wait for Monday to come i wanna see junjun and jiajia!^^...
......i am useless and weak

2009-09-08T22:17:00.001+08:00

sobs man Park JaeBeom already left 2pm and korea..
he already took the plane to US today..how sad all becos of he past comment about he made about him hating Korea..but they didn't got the full story and wanted him to leave 2pm even though he apologise and said endless time of sorry to the public of Korea...

but after he left Korea this was found

[After brewing up criticism of speaking ill of Korea, messages filled with love for Korea were found late from leader Jaebum who willingly left 2PM, and fans are feeling regret.

In each fan site, and through internet notice boards Jaebum’s message in 2006 to his friends in America through his myspace were "I want to stay in Korea 1 more year” “Not as a JYP(trainee) but I want to spend it as a Korean” and others saying that Korea was his ‘motherland’ and words saying how life in Korea was good were left.

It’s regretful that Jaebum is suddenly withdrawing within a mere 4 days of Jaebum’s ‘Hate Korea’ picture captures that were revealed on the 5th.

On top of that, when Jaebum visited Seattle, USA from late July to early August for vacation, in an interview at a Christian church, he spoke well about his life in Korea, making this news even more regrettable.

Officials in the industry are also expressing their regret over Jaebum’s withdrawal. One music program official said “The regret of the withdrawal is as big as how 2PM’s leader held together the center”. Another program official said that “With leader Jaebum’s withdrawal from 2PM, even if 2PM continues their activities with 6 members, it will never be the same”.]

but his alr gone...sad...sobbs

i really feel sad for him even thought i just found out of him this person just today..
how sad CAN!
all his effort and all his time training are wasted.
i can understand why he wrote those stuff 4 years ago..he was just a student then..
and as youngster we tend to easily express our feelings out no matter is sad, anger, hate or love to let others know how we feel...
is not easy being all alone in a foreign country everything will feel so alien to you too!! and he didn't know korean then can!
he was all alone and lonely with no support!
really feel sad for him to be stuck in this kind of situation..sobbs

2009-09-02T03:46:00.004+08:00

so how i suddenly understand
not hoping means no disappointment
not look back into the past means no missing
not caring means no bother
maybe every1 should just live life looking only at the future and moving ahead with full speed....
maybe all this will adds up to happiness and bring a smile to our faces

some how i feel lost and lonely now..i don have friends i don have dreams i don have nothing...why did life turn out like this no one understands, i don understand and it is really god damn scary to feel this way everything is so unknow and i'm lost i just wanna run away
seeing my brother now i envy him
even though he is in army now at least his life feel real and he knows that what he needs to do...
what am i to do?what am i to do?what am i to do?what am i to do?
i need an answer in the inside i'm running wild!!!!
pls show me!!! pls!!! even the first step is good enough
at least i'll know which path to go
i'm scare i'm really scare..why is this so hard what will to future be?
I'M SO SCARE & NOW I FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING IS FAKE..
I HAVE NOTHING..I HAVE NOTHING...I DON LIKE THIS..
AND NOBODY UNDERSTANDS HOW THIS FEELS I DONNO WHO TO TURN but i need help

"Be thankful for what have happened because it will be a part of your life experience. And even though whatever that had happened cannot be altered, everything will turn out fine."
a line from junjun to amanda..somehow it gives me strength..

2009-09-01T20:00:00.005+08:00

Today was suppose to go sch to meet wanzi for gym but i over slept (wanzi seem unhappy) SORRY..
Well its been 4 days since sch ended but I miss: Jun, Jiajia , Amanda , joanne & jinxuan already!!! will sure to plan a date for all of us to meet up kayyx girls...
anyway i screw up my exams can! really hope i can pass through i really don wanna retake any module..PLEASE LET ME PASS!!!!!!

Life everyday now is like this:

"As I go and break the wall to freedom
I survive every day with a cloudy mind
As I go on this pacing heart gives up

It can't be helped now,
I still have a lot of things to do,
In one day I only get 4 hours of sleep(during sch days)
Everyday my physical strength gets poured into it

To become an adult, what does that mean?
what will we look like, will our personality change?
What kind of face will we have?
Are we gonna be in contact when we are adults?

Everyday is just a repetition.
There is not a place to go or hide,
Everyday is the same with no place for our feelings to go, we just have to sallow it back down.
This feeling goes over and over, it gets me dizzy

spinning around & around hectically,
and we're still swimming through each day

some people say we think too much but are we suppose to not think at all?
is this the correct thing to do?
Am i suppose to accept things as it comes by?
Am i not to change the things going around me?
Am i not to change ME! ?
Am i not to do something?
I wander through every day (wander around with a blank head)

All i know is everyday i feel very lost inside...

some days i feel nothing can be trusted
and some days i feel like living with hope in life
I feel like locking myself up but yet I'm afraid we will all lost contact
but sometime it feels like we're wasting our time..
everything is so confusing, i feel so scare and insecure..
and some days i don wanna care
yet some times i care a lot about every single thing(too much)
Is this what growing up is about?
now the future just seem like a blur!"

2009-08-29T03:12:00.003+08:00

blogger is having some weird problems now oh well i don care...
anyway today was finally the end of my last paper and now it is holis for me wee~
But i did'nt know how to do micro A at all !! sadded
after sch went to watch movie with amanda,yvone, sheng yang , jun an and hexiang to watch 'year 1' the movie was super funny but it ended really late by the time i reached home was alr 11.30pm alr...TIRED!
but it was fun..
some how i think my face seem dull bahx amanda keep asking me to smile aNd wat ia wrong but here was nth wrong i was jus day dreaming and think about nth guess i jus don have much to say bahx...cos now i realise all my conversation is all about yamapi!!! OMG!!!!bitting finger nails..wakakaka!!

and i miss my lappy it's been so long since i last touch you my dear lovely lappy !!!~ and my pet in pet society i dying soon le...gtg earn pet society money le bb..

oh ya tmr gg to club to celebrate wanzi bday..but i so don have the mood to go club my face is rotting i have been rejecting the idea of gg there since 2 weeks ago when wanzi first tell me!!!! and tmr is the day alr hais!!! save me

2009-08-13T22:31:00.002+08:00

Finally!!
Elective exam is over and it was pretty easy!!! HAPPY!
Anyway after elective exam we had to go for SGH field trip and tt guy who bring us around is totally making every1 pissed off...ARGH!!!!
after the field trip i was totally drain out of energy and i mean TOTALLY!!
was so tired i wanted to fall asleep on the floor.
Actually wanted to take a nap on the bus but there is this 3 guys they were so god damn loud can!! As if their grandfather own the SBS bus company!!
And man! They are really talkative i manage to fall asleep despite the noise and when i wake up they were still talking loudly, REALLY AUNTY can! AGRH!!
I was so angry my mood sank so i decided to go for retail therapy before gg home..hahahax
I rmb tt there was a sale gg on at hougang mall and I spent every cent tt I had..I
bought 4 shoes and a bag and I’m feeling super HIGH now!!! WEE~~~

Shopping is still the best cure even a gd meal can’t compare!!!

2009-08-06T03:35:00.005+08:00

still not able to slp!...not becos i can't fall asleep, not becos i don wanna slp but i have work to do!
it so diffcult this days..i can't fight the feeling of rejection inside anymore.. it's getting stronger by the min! i cannot take it!! i know tt i'm running with no directions cos i realise i hate this course tt i'm studying yet i donno wat i wanna do other then this!!! i donno i'm just so clueless..

and i can no longer fake that everything is aright, everything is intact!
i can see,feel, know that everything is falling apart..
i have no1 to tell cos nobody understands and i don feel like talking to ppl that don understand!
it's Pain-stricken to make a person that is ignorant of how you feel understand your pain! no point! no use!
the reply i'm gg to get is only gg to make me feel more helpless!!
pls nobody is to type Jiayou things will be better cos it won't and its still not!!! i ratter you not do this kind of stupid thing!!! its not gg to help in any way!

It so Agonising to see all my friend work hard and suffering but doing the things tt they like, pursuing their dream! yet i cannot see myself infuture doing wat i'm studying this really makes it hard for me to strive in my studies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pls pls pls i really feel like crying i cannot fight this feeling anymore. its killing me i feel lik dying!!!!!! i cannot take this anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-08-02T21:22:00.002+08:00

Havent done any tutorials yet,havent study yet, don feel like doing lab report!
DON feel lik going for lab tmr.
havent pratice my cs presentation yet!
so freaking tired!!!
really really tired soul, body and mind!
don have timE for all my preCIOUs..

ytd made me realise so many things
i really do treasure you all!
see maisy cry in pain ytd made me so sad,
see shanny cry ytd i feel so unhappy..
see pris cry for maisy really really hurts my heart!
it was suppose to be happy ytd but we all end up crying=(
sry kaiwei messed up ur bday but i'm glad you say you had fun..
BUT ALL IN ALL EVERYTHING IS ALL FINE NOW!
we all when throught so much tgt no matter wat we will alway stick tgt kayyx maisy don worry nobody is gg to sever ties with anybody!
we will all stick tgt..

we are all so busy i really hate life after sec sch we don have time for each other!
is not tt i immature tt's why i hate poly life is jus tt i feel i really had a lot to lose tt's why i hate..
but i do accept poly life and all the stuff,
but nobdoy understands this feeling inside this feel that makes me unable to be truly happy.
and i really feel explaining to others is so tiring.

but lucky poly is not all tt bad..and i also know every1 has their own problems,nobody is stress free,nobody i relaxed,nobody is care free and nobody is truly happy all the time..
and i truly hate when ppl say tt this is jus all part of growing up
and that we need to move on cos all these i alr know..
but precious we are lucky cos you know we are not alone,we can depend on each other when we feel helpless kayyx!

2009-08-02T17:03:00.000+08:00

i don't understand! i don't understand ! i don't understand!
KAIWEI sry about your bday!

2009-07-23T01:11:00.011+08:00

2009-07-21T23:22:00.001+08:00

2009-07-21T22:58:00.006+08:00

smth wrong!
When lunch together with zijun, amanda they all..
And it was really FUN! fun fun..
first we when KouFu to eat den after that we when to library together, at the library everybody else was reading except for Me, Zijun and JinXuan! we were talking about TV shows and funny stuff and i laugh really hard!

GOD it has been long since i crap so much..
FUN! and it really made my day i was so happy i cannot recover from all the jokes!WAHAS!
Thanks ZIjun for asking me to tag along for lunch! i LOVE TALKING TO HER!
After that when back up for In chem tutorial and MICRO A!
i was a total blur sob! i donno WTH i'm doing.
keep doin the wrong things and the funny giggles are still in my bones,
i cannot stop doing all the stupid thing and i cannot stop laughing!HA!

was the first 1 to rush out of the lab den saw hanisah holding a glove inflated i took it from her, throw it on the floor and bursted it den when to hide as i saw 1 Lecturer on the phone and when i burst the glove he got shocked and jump! and he was looking around to see who did it..hahas
stupid..Zakiyyah donno why raised her hands and started to sing "1 ppl 1 nation 1 singapore!"

i could'nt stop laughing MAN! when we got into the lift i told her about the Lecturer and she felt so stupid! wahas!

2009-07-21T22:58:00.001+08:00

smth

2009-07-20T23:50:00.005+08:00

HECK!
i jus realised that poly has turned me to be like a crazy woman..
Homework is piling up to be LARGEST hill i have even seen CAN!seriously!
well really wanna say a BIG thanks to FILZAH! i really bother her a lot just to get my P.chem report done. i really feel so grateful towards her. You definitely will have good repaid on you for always being so kind in helping USLESS PPL LIKE ME! god you will be blessed girl!

i'm seriously breaking apart..
Sandhya even say i look like i'm going to punch someone up..No worries girl, the truth is i don even have the energy or mood to punch anybody. i'm so so tired, getting angry is the last thing i wanna do. All i want to do is to lay down and sleep like a log.

But seriously i have NO mood when i'm in NYP. i'm like a walking death, i've turning around looking left , right, high and low to see if i will see my smile maker, FUNNY WANZI! i miss her crap and our crapping days! god it's now so so far away man!HAIS!

NOW when ever i see subway i think of her, i see chocolate i think of her, i, see jap food i think of her! AND this are only 5% of wat she likes. It's really diffcult to bump into her in NYP, this horrible-vegetable SCH! MAN I HATE THIS SCH!And we are really busy she has lots of project and so do i!

and now i have to get back to doin my tutorials hais!

2009-07-20T23:48:00.001+08:00

heck!
i jus realise poly has turned me to be like a crazy woman and Man i don have any mood when i'm in sch..today at least 2 ppl asked me if i'm fine..sand

2009-07-05T15:50:00.009+08:00

didn't really post for so long..been really lazy..
this holis was best..did night cycle, shanny's bday AND SHOPPING! yeah!~
really got to meet up with my darlings, poly has suck all my free time out of me so hap[py tt this holis we got to hang out!
but the last week of my extended holi i was stuck with HOMEWORKs! and STUDIES for common test..damn sian..
Alr 1 week never meet up with wanzi le it feels lik foreva can!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!! i still have so mani projests and report to hand in Work jus keeps pouring in HAIS! its never ending...
after nxt week i wanna try to meet some ppls up really need to see faces and not books anymore..

2009-07-05T15:50:00.007+08:00

2009-07-05T15:50:00.006+08:00

didn't really post for so long..been really lazy..
this holis was best..did night cycle, shanny's bday AND SHOPPING! yeah!~
really got to meet up with my darlings, poly has suck all my life out of me

2009-07-05T15:50:00.004+08:00

2009-07-05T15:50:00.003+08:00

didn't really post for so long..been really lazy..
this holis was best..did night cycle, shanny's bday AND SHOPPING! yeah!~
really got to meet up with

2009-07-05T15:50:00.002+08:00

didn't really post for so long..been really lazy..
this holis was best..did night cycle, shanny's bday AND SHOPPING! yeah!~
really got to

2009-07-05T15:50:00.001+08:00

didn't really post for so long..been really lazy..
this holis was best..did night cycle, shanny's bday AND SHOPPING! yeah!~
really got

2009-07-05T15:50:00.000+08:00

didn't really post for so long..been really lazy..
this holis was best..did night cycle, shanny's bday AND SHOPPING! yeah!~

2009-06-23T15:07:00.002+08:00

2009-06-23T12:53:00.002+08:00

i HAD enough of your attitude...
all ur XL-ness and mood swing and attitude i seriously don need it..why every time wanna communicate with you also so difficult i really wanna keep you this friend at first..but i now i don think i will and can anymore cos i'm sick of you and the way you tok to me..and i know you for sure also not happy with me or you wont attitude me so i don see the point of 2 ppl tt can't stand each other to be friends anymore...i know you feel the same way too..
i donno about you but i left our friendship at ytd and walked away..

2009-05-28T00:42:00.004+08:00

This is how i feel ever since poly life starts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't help it but to feel this way and i donno why but it is really tong ku, i don like this too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

如果说了后悔是不是一切就能倒退

回忆多么美活着多么狼狈

为什么这个世界总要叫人尝伤悲

我不能了解也不想了解

我好想好想飞

逃离这个疯狂世界

那么多苦那么多累

那么多莫名的泪水

我好想好想飞

逃离这个疯狂的世界

如果是你发现了我

也别将我挽回

青春是挽不回的水转眼消失在指间

用力的浪费再用力的后悔

2009-05-20T23:18:00.001+08:00

ytd went to tampines to meet yuying's darlings..lazy to name them all la..haha
anyway today i have 2 tests but i still went to meet them up..WAHAS who cares i can't waste my time all on studies right! And i'm not the only one with tests weijei also have test today, yongjun have presentation today and yet weijie wanted to see movie after we finish dinner which is alr 9 pm..WAHAS what can i say tt's us..

anyway we all meet up at LJS first den after tt we decided to go swe

2009-05-18T02:06:00.004+08:00

O My GOSH!

REAL MAN!

2009-05-16T00:57:00.004+08:00

Today morning was feeling tired and really unwilling to go to sch..i really really want my slp can! But today have to hand in microA report so i darg myself up and go bath and prepare and all den i rush out of hse..den on the way to sch i suddenly feel lik checking my Hp cos ever since i go to poly i never check my hp every moment anymore cos i know every1 is busy and they won't msg me but this time i check and sweetie shanny msged me i was SUPER HAPPY can..its been long since i last heard from her i love you babe you really made my day! the msg " just passing by to say good morning. i woke up suddenly. N going back to bed. i miss u." but i didn't reply as it was 3.24 am in the morning. I MISS YOU TOO BABE...was actully gg to sentosa tmr but a lot of ppl not free so it was cancle..i really really really hope holis can come soon so every1 is free i really miss you guys like CRAZY CAN! even didi joel is so busy he has presentation and test on monday GD LUCK MAN!
actually i also very busy as my proposal is not done and i still have 2 exam nxt week! PS0902 ppl JIAYOU FOR NXT WEEK TEST and rmb to study hor! and today after sch we went to sembawang to celebrate yvone belated B'day was really fun as it was so funny i laugh till my face so red they keep saying i drunk but i was drinking F&N orange can! WAHAS!

this week was really great
1) monday i got to meet my wanzi and kaiwei and they are so sweet i can feel their care and love i love you guys!
2) i got shanny's msg

oh ya and i meet up with my MAISY this SUN supper dupper HAPPPY!
and JUN has a gf le la...happy for you man! bro we must meet up soon and intro your gf to me kayy!
THEY ARE MY CLOSEST KIN NXT TO FAMILY!

oh ya and PS0902 is fun loving class!

2009-05-14T17:12:00.001+08:00

You Are 48% Happy

You're definitely a happy person, even though you have your down moments.

You tend to get the most out of life, though there's always some more happiness to be squeezed.

How Happy Are You?

2009-05-14T12:22:00.007+08:00

i'm in the wrong place, wrong time, wrong course..and no 1 can save me form this Misery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BORED!

1. Besides Ur lips,where is the favorite spot to get kissed?
- fore head

2. How do u feel when u wake up this morning?
- shaggy-ness! unwilling-ness! meaningless!

3. Who was the last person u took photo with?
- my classmate.

4. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
- so-so.

5. Would you ever donate blood?
- yes, for sure.

6. Have you ever had a best friend who was the opposite sex?
- yeah

7. Do u wan someone dead?
- yeah...me!

8. What does ur last text message says?
- jus about de class blog tingy

9. What are u thinking right now?
- what did my life turned out this way..wat fu*k am i doin...fustrated with myself and my life.

10. Do you wish someone to be with you right now?
- now? YES!

11. What is the time you go to bed last night?
- about 1 plus to 2 ?

12.Where did you buy the shirt you are wearing now?
- At kovan.

13. Is someone on ur mind right now?
- yes..in fact a lot...

14. Who was the last person who called you?
- my beloved wan ji bye(wanzi)

2009-05-13T21:54:00.002+08:00

You Are 19% Homophobic

You're open minded, tolerant, and accepting.

And you're not homophobic in the least :-)

Are You Homophobic?

2009-05-13T21:48:00.003+08:00

Your True Love Is a Sagittarius

Why you'll love a Sagittarius:

Deep and philosophical, you'll love getting lost in hours of conversation with your Sag.

Your Sagittarius is curious and adventurous enough to keep you interested... not an easy task!

Why a Sagittarius will love you:

You're passionate about a few important issues, a kind of depth that Sagittarius finds very attractive.

You're outgoing, flexible, and up for almost anything. You and your Sag will have tons of adventures together.

What Sign Is Your True Love?

I'm really tired! give me my life back!

2009-05-12T21:39:00.001+08:00

Your Mind is Red

Of all the mind types, yours is the most impulsive.

If you think it, you do it. And you can get the bug to pursue almost any passion.

Your thoughts are big and bold. Your mind has no inhibitions.

You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about love, your dreams, and distant places.

What Color Is Your Mind?

Hahax..this is like so true i really get the bug to pursue any passion..i guess that's jus really me..
any way ytd went to meet my beloved kaiwei & wanjibye..was SUPER HAPPY can! it's alway the best being with them..i LOVE you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4H'08 & 5A'09 ROX to the MAX!

2009-05-10T14:17:00.004+08:00

friday after sch went to meet up wanzi after class she was in the north wing library doing her project..her poly mates are all so funny..they keep craking jokes but they cannot finish their project so i help out a little..jus colouring only la..nth much they end their project at about 6.15pm then we headed to amk to eat dinner afterwards we went over to have a chat with miasy den we went to shop around and den we headed home...

i donno you anymore you have become so boring and you don understand nth but you always act smart, talking to you is so tired , you don crap anymore..LOL

2009-04-30T01:25:00.002+08:00

hahax..joel look lik a girl in this pic..
yongjun and me...
hahax..joel leg hairless BUT yj leg hairfull...
Mr jiao..i miss his XLness and LAMEness..
didi..MR farting king i miss your joke and singing in class...

When to meet up with wanzi , yongjun , joel & maisy at AMK hub..seriously i'm really scare of gg to AMK now cos every single day i will have to go throught there to go to sch and back home..but no choice cos maisy works there so we all decide to meet up at AMK hub..
YongJun and wanzi reach there at 6 plus but becos i was too tired from waking up at 7am to prepare to go sch for elective so i went home to sleep for 2 hrs first hahax..there were all so tired la ytd..I went to meet them up at 7pm and told them i went to slp first and they told me to fuck off..WAHAHAHA!!!!!!

we slack at maisy's working place talking crapp..i really miss them and those crapping days..=)
wanzi damn funny. she study untill damn stress den msg me say she now in the toilet crying den i msg her back "REALLY..den did you hug the toilet bowl and cry..hahahx" den she msg back "HAHAHA...saddly no..." WAHAS!
den when we meet up she told us tt she cry untill her face all red even her nose and ear..den i say like that you bu shi look like pig den she laugh.. she sayya..she cry finish she look at the mirror and laugh cos she also feel she look like a pig..WAHAS! she siao liao 1 min cry 1 min laugh...it's all NYP's fault...
Wanzi still say she becos she damn stress in 3 years time she will ba damn slim but she was eating the whole time we never see she mouth stop moving at all..haha..Maisy say she think 3 years lata is we will see a 3 times bigger wanzi..WAHAHAHAH!

At about 8 plus JOEL didi finally arrived...
So poor thing of him have to sit for 1 hour of bus ride all the way from TP and his bag is so damn heavy can..
Maisy 9.30pm end work we slacked till 9 plus at maisy's working working place den got this aunty come ans scold us say a xiao di, xiao mei ni men bu ke yi zhi zhe li dde..LAME MO! us alr slack so long le can...den bo bian we stand out side of the shop lo!

we waited for maisy to pack up and all den we go some where else slack but Maisy just sit down alr den her mum came alr and she had to go home..den we were all lik huh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In the end left the 4 of us me, joel, wanzi and yongjun we contunie to slack till AMK HUB close den we all went home...
but it was still fun to meet them up..
HOPE TO MEET UP SOON AGAIN!!

2009-04-09T01:25:00.002+08:00

2009-04-08T23:59:00.009+08:00

back to YUYING again..2008' 27th'MARCH
YUYING speech day 27th march 2009

wanwan and eunice

we all went back for our O lvl cert.

last year shanny's B'day at mac stupid shoots with kaiwei lappy...2008
last year 2008 wanzi ME pris and meimei
2007 boon's basket ball uni kat with shorts and wanzi with shirt...
haha..basket ball ROCKER..2007 sec 4H
2006 sec 3H
this year after i first highlight my hair red drink at WT...

Me and dear shanny 2008 july
at vivo 2008 wanzi and dear kaiwei

at vivo last year wanzi and me..haha shorty 2008
last year at GAME CAFE 2008
ME and WANZi making a FOOL of ourselves again...hahax
this was never suppose to happened i was trying to make in in to a cocktail..haha any1 for a drink?
last year playing a fool in chem lab..2008
last year june hols at wild wild wet...2008
last year 2008 pris B'day celebration...she and her BF mr MacDonald..haha
2007 the day we went to meet peiying for pasta mania...after her work
my 16th years old celebration...this is how i looked before
2009 chinese NEW YEAR celebrating visiting at Mrs Ang hse...
2007 only left 2 days before N lvl studying at Mrs Ang hse..hahax last min study is our style..lucky we have great teachers...
15/2/2006 sec 3H, went we all still look so fresh haha..

2008 sec 5A SHANNY's 17th Birthday celebration
2008 me pei ying and maisy at vivo before cable car ride...
when to meet peiying after her work for dinner..2008

Sec 5A 2008 skip 4 period of lesson slacking in toilet for 2 hours just taking pic till sch ends.

All is LOVED

last year July 2008 out and wild dirk till we drop last outing before O lvl
2006 i'm still in sec 3

this was how we grow old tgt
It's only a blink of an eyes and three years has alr past by us...

2009-04-08T22:36:00.000+08:00

2009-03-24T22:40:00.000+08:00

Thanks for everything guys i relly loved my birthday...

2009-03-14T14:22:00.000+08:00

some how today i was thinking can i really face the world with a mask even if it is just for once in awhile to make life easier for me and the ppl around me. well the ans is unknown..

2009-03-14T02:16:00.007+08:00

Life...the meaning of life...
hmm...the truth is nobody really knows the meaning of life as it means differently to each and every one!..knowing the true meaning of your own life dose not really means understanding the meaning of others..
To some the meaning of life maybe simply embracing it cherishing the moment that they are at now.
And well to some it may just meant taking your time enjoying the freedom and fun that is given to you now not thinking about life tomorrow or, the further.
On the other hand others may think life means looking for a goal that can be work towards to, that can be achieved and then a new hunt for tomorrow's challenges.

It does not really matters what LIFE means to you and you do not have to have the same meaning of life with either your friends or family. All that really matters is that your living for yourself.
You don't have to smile when you can't even if your friends are, and you don't cry even if it's a sad situation that your stuck in but if you don't feel the need to cry then don't.
JUST be yourself people may leave people may come but if they don't understand you then it dose not matters at all if they stay or not.
Don't smile for the sake of smiling, don't cry for the sake of crying just to fit in or to please others. I know i have been doing this.
All that you really need to remember is that you are living for yourself, your living your life don't listen to what people tells you to do to make your life better, only listen to that voice inside of you and what it tells you to do. only by achieving it then you will achieve a carefree life. And so i'll only life my life by this rule. Or at least that was what i thought before now.

well, maybe people just can't live as who they really are because we exist in the same world as everyone.
I'm been trying to live my life as honest as i can be. But i have been told once in a while we need to put on our mask and i can't i guess i can't avoid masks anymore.
Everyone has 1 of there own mask it is either to make themselves happy or others happy either way it is just to make life easier.
I didn't want to have one as i felt i will not be sharing the true me but the truth is that people don't want the truth in fact they don't like it..once in a while they want you with that mask on to either fake a smile or fake you cared just so to make life easier for them and for you, and to hold up the mood.
I'm officially joining in the world of mask, this time i really give in, this time i really stop fighting with this world of reality ....and maybe this will make life easier for me and make people around me happier.

2009-03-10T22:33:00.003+08:00

Today was seeing this show on "mysoju" in the show the it was this last day of the girls teenage life, she was turning 20 years old as it was her birthday the next day..
I'm really envious her for having such good friends. They actually wanted to celebrate her birthday for her but because there was this competition on her birthday and that was major in her life. She didn't know whether to take part in it or not but then her friends pushed her on and say they will celebrate her birthday the next day. The teacher code "you really have good friends". I don't know why but i was really touched, i guess sincerity really is the best thing in this world or at least i feel 'it' is!
i guess the saying is true.."never ever expect much..unless you'll really sure of the people around you" i guess this is also the reason why i close my heart..why i stop believing in others and not give my all because i already guessed what's the outcome. Maybe it's because i never felt that sincerity or that love from the bottom of others heart before.
But this morning I'm really very happy there's this one people that made me felt the love and sincerity as a friend from the bottom of her heart. today morning that people that call me back i wanna say Thank You so much you may not believe it but I'm tearing now. I never expected it to be her. I was not as close to her as compared to my other friends but she made me feel like i existed for the first time after 3 years ago i feel that i can trust others again not even my parents made me feel this way.
I think now i can be that cheerful me that i hide inside once again. No one of my past three year classmate had ever seen that side of me, maybe only zicheng during cca and all my cca mates but after i got in the same class as her in sec 5A there was never once that she saw my fun side again after i stop going cca.
Nanyang poly will be a new start for me..BUT FOR NOW ALL I WANNA DO IS TO SAY A BIG THANK YOU MAISY! you made me believe again because i know you are not only saying but you will turned up that day..

2009-01-13T15:42:00.004+08:00

Yesterday got back our O lvl result...
a lot of ppl was really unhappy with the result they got at first i was really happy but den after i when to check i realize that most of the life sic courses i wanted i couldn't get in cos the cut off point was range 10 to 14 and i overshot by 1 extra point so was really very sad.. couldn't slp at all last night was so worried i cannot get into poly..den jus now after telling yanshan she comfort me and gave me confident thanks a lot girl at this time i can only turn to you..

2009-01-09T18:56:00.004+08:00

lately everything have started to go on smoothly for me...cos my parents have stop finding trouble with me and we are having more family outings later i'm going to chinatown to meet my mum and ahyi for dinner "I'm blessed =) "..well i guess this is what i have been yearning for all along...to my family i feel really guilty and grateful...
anyway Monday O lvl result will be out damn scare hope i will do well...
HAIS>......

i've finally found what really matters to me...

2008-12-24T04:12:00.004+08:00

why are parent's love just so freaking hard to get. All I really wanted was my mother's love but she alway makes me feel so broken, using her words to beat me up. Always saying mean things that are so freaking hurtful, doing all the small action to make me feel SMASH inside. I'm not like other girl who always feel so sure of everything they own, of who they're gonna be. sometimes i feel so alone, trying to fit in where i don't belong.

Don't really understand why my mum like to say mean words or do mean things to hurt my pride. I'm really sick of my life, why is it so god damn hard to ask for a loving mum. she's alway making me feel whatever i do is wrong, alway making me feel i not good enough for her to love me. Alway makes me feel so hideous and so stupid in her eyes. Whatever i say i wanna do she will mock at me. she's always so scare of me wasting her money, saying things like " i don't want to sent you over board to study, can't even get good results I'm very scare you will waste my money and i need to save money to let your brother study, his gonna be a doctor" ARHG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!her words are always ringing in my head, sometimes i feel like disappearing somewhere. she's always not trusting me, always thinking I'm not deserving. All that she knows to do is to demoralize me.

As much as i want to believe she really loves me a lot but the pain inside in just so unbearable. How come she doesn't know what she's doing is breaking me apart. she just hurts me so badly, I'm tired of my life, i feeling so in between but nothing can make me feel better, nobody can help me. i didn't ask to be born not as smart as my brother or not as good as him.
other people alway says is not like this, a mother loves both of her children but how come it just doesn't feels this way at all.

how come it just hurts so so much, as hard as it already is i don't even know how to express how i feel inside to anybody.

There's already so many problem outside. With all these i feel i don't fit in be it inside or outside of house.

2008-12-08T15:29:00.003+08:00

i have a problem

2008-12-04T13:43:00.001+08:00

Today's plan later I 'm going out to

2008-12-03T17:18:00.003+08:00

ytd when out with wanzi to go get her X'mas present aNd i brought her bikini, den after tt we rush down to kat hse and we went down town east to see Quarantine..was kind of boring at first but was exciting at the back over all it was a gd movie...

~End of 1st dec '08~

today was staying at home the whole day...anyway this holidays did go out and fun and stuff but donno why not really happy..actually this holiday was kind of shagg really no holiday mood at all june holiday was more fun and laughter..anyway this fri I can't go malaysia SHAGG cos my passport exp le ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my only holiday day trip is gone super hate it can...I REALLY WANNA GO!!!!!!!!!!! SIAN sian SIAN!!! hope holis for the rest of dec will be better but i doubt so...hais` WISH RESULT CAN BE OUT SOON I WANNA GO POLY PARY HARD!

2008-09-07T20:58:00.002+08:00

Really pretty right...ok actually i get to see this almost everyday if it is not raining...sometimes the whole sky is all red, i know i know don believe me right ok nxt time if the sky happenes to be red i will rmb to take pic of it and post them..

2008-08-30T11:31:00.004+08:00

Okay..recently i been really really strange and I notice and i also know the reason why but I can't control myself some how i feel people around me are suffering and I'm feeling really sorry but some how it just get the better of me I just can't control myself. But I've been trying very hard maybe I'll start from small then...Hais`!

2008-07-30T21:33:00.003+08:00

Only 81 more days and no more playing can be afford..
i don wan to go out anymore not until the 11th of Nov...shall cancel all outing thats not involve in studying, cause honestly I'm not even a wee bit smart so i cant afford to waste any time i have now..and to all PLEASE STUDY cause no one will care how you end up, no one will be there when you fall and no one can or will help you out. I've been there before so listen well the race is on, and it's every man's game so every1 are only looking out for themselves..this is the only time for last reversions and if you don wanna care den its seriously is you own problem no one will ask you to study anymore, you may think there's time but for those who wanna make a different out of their life there is absolutely no time to spare for those who don bother about their own studies.
so whenever people tells you to stop playing read the signs cause the message is clear and if you don care then it i s you who seal your own FATE!

hope this post will motive all those that reads it..
EveRy1 MUG hard and JIAYOU!

2008-07-13T12:49:00.002+08:00

this is how we start...

yanshan unhappy with her pasta rating it only a 1/10

ytd was a night of merry!
when out at 3.30 pm to meet wanzi and when down to my mum's shop.
After that we when town to meet maisy we in mrt alr den maisy suddenly msg wanzi say she at ps so we drop at summerset and walk back to ps..
we reach ps had our dinner and then we when shopping tgt..i did not bought anything but is been long since i when shopping so i'm just as happy doing window shopping..
we left town at 8plusplus~ 9 to meet yanshan at kovan..
first we when popular then we went down to white t`angering for our DRinkInG session...

2008-06-20T14:00:00.007+08:00

our pretty hair style 1..
our pretty hair style 2...
wanzi's pretty hair style 3...
haha maisy's shoe...
this is the cafe

playing game..
gp foto..

Last Wednesday 18 June went to this board game cafe place with Wanzi, Maisy, Yong jun and Pris had lots of fun can! really had a great time with them above are some of the pictures.
..........................................................................................................................................
Today woke up late as I was really tired but the sky today is beautiful. As my bed is facing the window, i woke up to this clear and sunny sky and it made my day feeling so relax and happy.

Today was suppose to acc Maisy to cut her hair but i think she some change of plans bahx, so didn't meet her. So i call my aunt cause Thursday my aunt called me and say she is bringing me for buffet but i turned her down as i already promise Maisy to acc her, anyway i called my aunt and she say my uncle is having work till 7:30pm tonight so change of plans going to some restaurant, Thai, Jap or Jake's place haven't decide yet.

At the meanwhile i think I'm going to watch KUNG FU PANDA which my dad brought home last Wednesday..YEAHX =D! After that i think I'm going to do some math, shower and prepare to go...
........................................................................................................................................

2008-06-19T21:07:00.004+08:00

Today wake up at 6am to prepare before meeting wanzi at mac. we weer suppose to meet at 7:30 but didn't want to be late that why i woke up so early, ytd couldn't sleep lie in bed till 2am plus plus then force myself to sleep so today was really tired and had a hard time waking up.
i reach mac at 7:30 but wanzi overslept so in sit in mac read my paper and enjoy the wonder air conditioning =D`

After wanzi came and buy her breakfast we headed to sch and had our chem lesson, learn a lot of new things today actually not new la cos tuition teacher teacher before already but today's lesson help me have better understanding to this chapter.

After lesson went heartland mall with ah wan and maisy, after that i headed home and bake my muffin but this type the muffin sucks can because the flour. i bought the expansive self- raising flour for specially for baking can! but in the end the muffin never rise la so irritating can! Arh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =(

After baking use com, shower then went tuition at 4pm. After tuition felt hungry so i cook one big bowl of vegetable hmm...yum yum!
i feel so sinful la now i eat so much today 1 small pack of milk in the morning, after lesson i eat my mac muffin then i eat one muffin that i bake and one big bowl of vegetable for dinner. i'm super glutton can eat so much Arh!!!!!!!!!! cannot i need to slim down i super fat nor.....how?
tmr only can eat one meal, anyway i gg out so only can eat one meal cos needs to save up cash.

oh ya and i super evil can my dog so hungry yet because i lazy so i only feed her 1 slice of bread and a whole can of meat(doggy food). I'm guilty should cook rice for my doggy can but i really super lazy and kor don't even want to come home and feed his dog i have been feeding her for more then 2 months lor...Arh!!!!!!!!!! all i can say is sorry mon

2008-06-14T15:44:00.002+08:00

ytd was suppose to go esp with meimie , yong jun, wei jie, jiahui & pris...
but two of the big rides were colse and the entry ticket was really expensive so in the end we went wild wild wild wet, actually was suppose to meet wanzi in the evening but because we go wild wild wild wet so wanzi didn't come hais..if sweetie came along for sure more fun dde..kind of miss her sia.. and she felt so left out...
anyway had hole lots of fun there really never regret gg there...but i'm all burned..my sikin is so damn pain now..ouch!
and my two hands suffered last night..aching like hell i could not even sleep..and now i'm really tanned..i'm the type tt do not get tan but because we ytd from 11 plus plus play all the way till 7 pm
that's why had really bad sun burned..now lower arms and legs are of different colour from the upper. My skin suffered the most the intensive pain from the burned is really killing me. hope will get well soon.

2008-05-26T19:32:00.003+08:00

SS paper, MINE, SHANNY'S, WANZI'S & IVAN'S
all get 20/50

preliminary 1 has ended and we have all gotten back our result and i flunk all paper accept for my English and Chinese..arx!!!!!!!whatever heck care la, its only prelim 1 what!
That POA freak say wanna see my parents cause i alway go home early..if you can get them to go, then you can get to see them for all you like lor...hahas..STUPID!~
Any way today's 'O' lvl MT i think i'm gonna flunk, sian got to retake...Haisssssssssssss!

2008-03-05T22:44:00.003+08:00

i'm now doin my F&N coursework shit la. alot of things to do can..hai's
anyway i really super lik my blog dde song recently i 'm madly in love with this kind of abit latin latin song damn nice. I tmr got math test but i cannot study cause i have to do my f&N..I'M SO fuck up busy can..i really hate HW..GOD pls save me!~arghHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
anyway today at phy lesson was really damn tired and i don understand wat shit mr lee talking about so i jus slp, my first time slpping in class this year guess phy is really boring bahx, anyway i also don care...I HATE PHY!

2008-02-29T20:08:00.003+08:00

Here to up date cos my KengLing say if i don update she don wanna link me so bad to me right..sadded! :(

anyway i found out sumthing funny why do ppl alway keep say the past better they will miss dde past year friends and things tt happened in dde past but tt past year they will keep say hate it..wanna faster get pass tt year..hahax abit funny right actually i'm also guilty of this heex!

But this year i have decided to not miss it i wanna make a whole lot of fun out of it..YEAHX`! PLAY PLAY PLAY..hahax..
oh ya today i steal dde squeaky toy from sch hahax den after sch before chinese lesson keep play with it..mdm gao ask me what happened why play with children toy hahax..
aiya sian got nth better to write la..STOP here le.

2008-02-23T00:12:00.004+08:00

donno why but this year suddenly dde feeling of hollowness sank so deep in me i can never stop feeling so depress even for a sec..i feel so weak yet i don wanna miss dde past..maybe friendship is jus too important to me..now when ever i look around i feel so amiss..last time even though I never get to be in the same class as them i don feel this way but not seeing them at all anymore is really unbearable, is not i'm not happy or satisfy with all my friends now i really happy and i really feel bless to have them by myside jus tt i really feel so hollow. I start to feel i do not know how to interact will ppl anymore i feel so lifeless.Missing the past really make me weak!=( sadded!

i don't wanna keep revolving my thoughts around merioses and the past but i really can't help the feel of hollowness & weakness, which keep spilting out of me!i truly understand the meaning of 'if i gain one thing i will definitely have to lost one other thing'.it's so painful it's ripping me apart but i can't imagine me not knowing wanzi they all thet are also equally important so frustrated..Maybe is because i'm greedy but FRIENDSHIP really means everything to me, to me it's for life..and to me friendship really is "close" friend not "distance" friend but i understand every1 has their own path, but i can't and not i'm willing to let go anything so dear to me so i will jus quietly keep holding them on in my heart for the rest of my life.......

2008-01-30T18:48:00.000+08:00

i now really motivated to study i shall study damn hard now on..i now know my all my weak subject and i realise i got a lot of subject damn weak..as for my english i'm really weak in my composition, my papar 2 is alright but i still must work harder i WANNA BE THE BEST IN CLASS for english paper 2 in class and i WANNA IMPROVE MY composition..seriously i need to get my 'Show' & 'Tell' done fast so i can improve the way i write.
AS for my SCI i REALLY NEED to work super hard, i think it over i don only wan to pass i wanna be DAMN GOOD! i shall from now on memorise all my SCI FORMULA*..
AS for math i wanna get A1 so i will do as much as possible and so i can do many times of revision~
CHINESE i really need to buck up..both my compo and paper2 suck i cannot write most of the word i wanna express and so i cannot score i know how to Do & Express but i cannot write out what i wanna express! which make me really wanna STRIVE hard!
GEO&SS i will memorise everything and for sure can at least get a C5 but i aiming for B3-4 hope i can do it..=)
I DON WANNA LET MYSELF DOWN!

NO more gg out from now on!
DO all my homework!
STOP watching Television no matter how tempted i am!
AFTER SCH GO DO MY OWN REVISION IN SCH Library NO DISTRACTION!
DON BE LAZY!

2008-01-24T21:42:00.001+08:00

You Are a Marble Cake

Eclectic, inventive, and peaceful.

You are never willing to accept what's "normal." You live to push the envelope.

You find it hard to make up your mind. You prefer to have everything you want, right away!

What Kind of Cake Are You?

2008-01-19T22:21:00.000+08:00

Your Brain is 67% Female, 33% Male

Your brain leans female

You think with your heart, not your head

Sweet and considerate, you are a giver

But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

What Noelle Loh Jia Yu Means

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.

You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.

At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.

You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.

Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.

Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.

Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you.

You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries.

You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.

You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.

You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.

And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.

You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

This i saw at kengling blog so i jus write my name and this is the result!

2008-01-19T21:56:00.001+08:00

ever since sch reopen i haden been any happy donno whats wrong with my mood..any way today i had a chat with wanzi and huiqin and i feel much better think maybe too stress bahx..while talking to huiqin i keep singing song,disturbing her and laughing..for me to act cute in front of her is jus so easy donno why but i can jus let it out in front of her i was alway dde noisy and cheering person which most of the time i donno why mayb we know each other too long liao..
anyway i wanna THANK zhenling for giving me her books i will put them to gd use dde..=)
Back to why i'm not happy actually i also donno why but i jus feel ver tired everyday gg to sch..but lucky have kengling,wanzi,kat and shan to play with in sch making it easier for me to go to sch..or i will really dread gg to 5A not tt i don lik it i jus find it really ver sian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i missmiss dde past where everyday gg to sch is fun..hope all ex 2E'05 ppl and pass their 'O'lvl with flying colours!

2008-01-05T19:44:00.000+08:00

Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ENFP)

Your personality type is enthusiastic, giving, cautious, and loyal.

Only about 8% of all people have your personality, including 9% of all women and 6% of all men

You are Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

it been long since i last post been kind of lazy this holi's don lik using the com.Hais school has reopen le miss Sukri,kaiwei,eunice & aidil without them class suck and school seem so boring..HOPE everything is gg to ba alright!

2007-09-18T22:49:00.000+08:00

well nth can go in my brain shit la..i jus now online for awhile to change my nick back to my name den saw dydy online so chat with her den she sae donno if will got chalet or not haiis pray hard have and anyway i missher much..

if only i have the power to change things in my life i will choose to take away some parts of it and but i can say life is alr ver gd to me i been given a lot too..but if nxt year i can come back i will choose to take the whole sec 5 parth alone it's been long since i have this kind of thinking liao but if i noex this means wat..but if i don come back den i will try to be positive..

2007-09-18T21:26:00.000+08:00

it's been long since i last blog..but nvrm anyway cos nobody reads my blog so i can post as and when i like..

jus finish dinner, did'nt bother to online coz online also sian & don have dde ppl i wan to chat to anyway..so jus came to post..kind of sian today no nice show anymore,but its kind of gd den i will not addict to tv anymore..

after posting i'm gg to go study liao, although i behind others but i think i can catch up bahx..

i really can't wait till exam is over 2E'05 chalet is all i'm looking forward to now and i can say now life is much more better & happier,"well all else doesn't matter now". NOW i can say i'm happy with the way things are now even though i noex whats gg on i can still smile coz i'm contented with all i have now..last time life was jus mess up and all wrong but i've sort it and move on..

2007-08-07T20:38:00.000+08:00

2007-08-02T18:11:00.000+08:00

well today was qiyi and kaiwei dde BIRTHDAY~! happy b'day guys..
today we had the MOE 'MT' paper..after paper 1 i was kind of quiet did not feel lik talking la cos dde paper i did wrongly, i did not read the Q properly so hais...den not long kengling came up liao den i tell her about wat i did den after that i feel much better..at least she listens to my problems..after that we went down to do our paper 2, the close passage all this i think i gonna fail but the behind was kind of easy. Den after that the f&n people went up to do our course work again..i took i really long time to get it done wanna do the recipe analyser again dde coz i feel use pen to write kind of not so nice but mis irda say jus use pen write so i had no choice.

well suddenly have this feel i jus wanna be happy but for now before 'N'lvl i will try to continue to strive hard and after exam i will relac..yeahx..wee`!